Online dating and intimacy

And then there’s the truths that we don’t even know ourselves. He decides to tell you something intimate about his childhood.

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Online dating and intimacy Best site for adult videochat in holand

There's no way to know how he will like your spaghetti, or if he'll react to your shampoo.

You can't know if the monkey will hate your living room and fling poop all over it, or if he'll chew your best shoes.

We would spend hours and hours chatting every night. I believed we were best friends and I thought we built this incredible foundation for a relationship. How could we have been so honest and close online and then be total strangers in real life?

To keep a long story short, we finally got together in real life. I’ve gotten several emails regarding this topic: the incredible intimacy you can feel with someone online that doesn’t translate into real life.

Just the common experience of being in a diner together is a means by which we can measure a person.

It’s like seeing a picture of a monkey online and thinking it’s incredibly cute. You feel you’ve done your research and you know a lot about this kind of monkey. There’s nothing in the online readings or video clips that says anything about how this particular monkey would be in your particular house and life.

For example, you’re enthralled with this story about this horrible falling out he had with his mother, and the fact that he’s trusted you with it while he hasn’t even told his best friend about it. Instead you choose to pay attention to what you want to magnify.

So, when he tells you some quip of how he didn’t leave a tip for a waitress because she was rude, and why should he ever tip at all, you don’t dwell on it. Sharing private wonderful secrets is certainly relationship building.

His sharing and his framing of that sharing create a false sense of intimacy. You may have been a wonderful listener, but at least part of the reason why he could trust you with it was the anonymity.

You feel trusted and close to him, you feel like this brings you to a place more important than most meaningless exchanges in real life. It’s actually the opposite of the closeness you perceive.

Or, after hearing about this horrible fight he had with this mother many years ago, feeling his pain and inner turmoil over it, you finally meet her. You can’t bring yourself to be overly warm with her, you can only hear in your head the horrible things she said to him during that fight. Even thought he still has hurt and needed a little therapy about it, the truth is it has passed. He has had years and years to get used to those feelings and put that fight into perspective.

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